Is it easier to be someone you aren't completely, but know you could be?
Would it be easier to be someone that fits in with what people want you to be?
Would there be less tension within yourself to play a role that more people would appreciate than to just be yourself with a few people appreciating you?
Would it be easier to pretend?
Would there be less stress if you were what other people wanted you to be?
I think so.
But being me is so much more fun.
Because I laugh too loud and play with gummy bears at restaurants. And those people don't
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
YESSSS!
Soooo despite having a killer stats test yesterday that I probably got a 13 on, I got really good news upon looking at phone right after class. Mi padre got a job at Hamilton Beach in Richmond!!!!!! I am so happy!! We don't have to move, Mike gets to stay at his high school, my mom doesn't have to leave all her friends, I don't have to leave my friends, my dad has a jobbbbbb, we don't have to spend tons of money on fixing up our house, and just. YAY!!!
He starts this Monday which is awesome! I am just very happy. Hehehe. THANK YOU GOD!!! :D :D :D AHHH!
He starts this Monday which is awesome! I am just very happy. Hehehe. THANK YOU GOD!!! :D :D :D AHHH!
Monday, April 25, 2011
I just wanna dance around the room. I want to lay in the grass. I want the sun to pour onto me. I want to run around. I want to be chased. I want to be suffocated from laughter. I want to be goofy. I want to be myself. I want to dye my hair silly colors. I want to play pranks on my friends. I want to explore. I want to be amazed. I want to say "I am so happy".
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Did I....?
Did I have a good weekend?
Yes.
Did I have lots of fun?
See answer above.
Did I want to come back to school?
No.
Did I realize this chair in the library is not a roll-y chair and I probably looked dumb trying to scoot it closer to the computer?
Yes.
Do I realize that sometimes 2 weeks left of school sounds very short but sometimes it sounds very long?
Yes dude.
Do I remember that everything will be ok?
Noooooo but I is tryingggggggg. Sigh. 12 days. That's it.
Yes.
Did I have lots of fun?
See answer above.
Did I want to come back to school?
No.
Did I realize this chair in the library is not a roll-y chair and I probably looked dumb trying to scoot it closer to the computer?
Yes.
Do I realize that sometimes 2 weeks left of school sounds very short but sometimes it sounds very long?
Yes dude.
Do I remember that everything will be ok?
Noooooo but I is tryingggggggg. Sigh. 12 days. That's it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
4/19 Picture of the Dayyyayayyaya
So excited! First new bathing suit of the season! Actually, first new bathing suit in like..... 3 years. Haha. I like it. Bring it on summer :D
Monday, April 18, 2011
4/17
The view of the mountains and JMU in the parking lot at Texas Roadhouse. Which I don't even like eating at very much. Yet I always suggest it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Today was the Regional gymnastics meet of my old teammates. It's so weird to think that about a year ago, I had one of the best days of my life... and that it all ended. It's weird knowing I haven't done gymnastics in a year. I still have mixed feelings, and I think I always will. It's hard explaining to people without sounding like "oh man, gymnastics is life or death, it's so intense, it's THE biggest deal in the whole world." It's not like that, it was my life though. I'm not going to lie. For the people that knew me well, they knew it consumed me. It had to. I wanted it to. So it's hard sometimes not having it. I still think about it all the time, every day. How can I not? I was in the gym always. It wasn't just some random sport I did for fun, as odd as that sounds. It's just what I did, it was just in me. And not doing it for a year has definitely shown me things. I never thought about it while I was doing it but I think in a lot of things you have to take a step back to learn from it. I learned patience, even though it's still not one of my strong suits. I had to learn to respect people who didn't even respect me. It is really hard to keep your mouth shut when people are pushing you down, but you had to. That sucks. But I learned to be the bigger person. I learned to stay true to myself, when everyone else was different from me. I had values, and I kept to them even if they thought I was weird. I mean, it didn't really matter, everyone loved me more that those other girls anyway. I was nice :D
I went through a lot of things many teenagers my age didn't usually go through. No, I didn't have anything horrible happen, it was just gymnastics but still. When most people try hard in life, it pays off somehow. USUALLY. Don't get me wrong that's not always the case. But with gymnastics, you can work your ass off all year, and one centimeter to the left on a beam can throw it all down the drain. And that hurts. Way down deep in your stomach. And I'd sit there crying, wondering why I couldn't be great, why I couldn't stay on that damn beam, those bars, that floor. I deserved it, I tried, I wanted it but I couldn't grasp it until the end. But I think that made making Nationals all the more special.
I went through a lot of physical pain too. But again, people go through pain in sports all the time. I'm just saying it sucked when you straddled a metal beam twice in a day. After that, some things just aren't nearly as bad. And when you have to walk on a broken ankle because no one cares enough to carry you. Yeah that makes a stubbed toe seem nice. Of course I didn't see that then, I see it now though. And it makes me miss it. I miss being unique. I miss having something special to cling to. I miss not having to wonder what I'm good at or what I do. I don't know what I'm good at, or what I like doing. It's scary, I'm still figuring it out. But gymnastics taught me a lot. I'm glad I did it, no one else has a story like mine.
I went through a lot of things many teenagers my age didn't usually go through. No, I didn't have anything horrible happen, it was just gymnastics but still. When most people try hard in life, it pays off somehow. USUALLY. Don't get me wrong that's not always the case. But with gymnastics, you can work your ass off all year, and one centimeter to the left on a beam can throw it all down the drain. And that hurts. Way down deep in your stomach. And I'd sit there crying, wondering why I couldn't be great, why I couldn't stay on that damn beam, those bars, that floor. I deserved it, I tried, I wanted it but I couldn't grasp it until the end. But I think that made making Nationals all the more special.
I went through a lot of physical pain too. But again, people go through pain in sports all the time. I'm just saying it sucked when you straddled a metal beam twice in a day. After that, some things just aren't nearly as bad. And when you have to walk on a broken ankle because no one cares enough to carry you. Yeah that makes a stubbed toe seem nice. Of course I didn't see that then, I see it now though. And it makes me miss it. I miss being unique. I miss having something special to cling to. I miss not having to wonder what I'm good at or what I do. I don't know what I'm good at, or what I like doing. It's scary, I'm still figuring it out. But gymnastics taught me a lot. I'm glad I did it, no one else has a story like mine.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
4/9/11 Pic of the day
I just love this picture of Lauren from my small group!! We had a photo shoot and it was so much fun!! She adored this flower hehe.
Friday, April 8, 2011
4/8/11 Picture
I spent 13 dollars at Mr. Chips (JMU's convenient store) today. This was one of my purchases.
Today was Lovely Because....
1. My GCOM class was cancelled. And so was my group meeting, meaning I got to sleep in. Yay.
2. I got lunch with one of my small group leaders, Betsey. I love her so much, she is so easy to talk to and understanding.
3. I went to UREC and ran a mile on the track. Although my legs are killing me right now, I'm proud of myself :D
4. I went to Large Group tonight, which I hadn't gone to in several weeks. I really enjoyed it, I had lots of fun with my Powdered Babies and I thought the speaker was cool.
5. I watched Prince Caspian with some of my friends from my small group afterwards, twas very fun.
All in all, it was a good day. I'm excited to spend more time with my whole small group tomorrow doing whatever it is Betsey and Melissa have in store for us! Yay!!
"Be a person, not an individual"
-from the speaker at large group. It was about focusing on not being so much of an individual that you ostracize yourself from the world, and even worse, God.
2. I got lunch with one of my small group leaders, Betsey. I love her so much, she is so easy to talk to and understanding.
3. I went to UREC and ran a mile on the track. Although my legs are killing me right now, I'm proud of myself :D
4. I went to Large Group tonight, which I hadn't gone to in several weeks. I really enjoyed it, I had lots of fun with my Powdered Babies and I thought the speaker was cool.
5. I watched Prince Caspian with some of my friends from my small group afterwards, twas very fun.
All in all, it was a good day. I'm excited to spend more time with my whole small group tomorrow doing whatever it is Betsey and Melissa have in store for us! Yay!!
"Be a person, not an individual"
-from the speaker at large group. It was about focusing on not being so much of an individual that you ostracize yourself from the world, and even worse, God.
pg. 87
My palms are sweaty. My heart is pounding. I look around the room at the other gymnasts tumbling, flipping, flying through the air. I have one more event left at my regional gymnastics meet, the meet that determines if my dreams will come true or come crashing to a halt. The only thing between failure or success, disappointment or elation, tears of sadness or joy, is floor.
But what exactly defines this failure or this success? If I do well on this last event, I will be eligible to compete at the United States of America Gymnastics National Championship in Dallas, Texas. Only the best 300 gymnasts in the country make it to this meet. I want to be one of the best. I want to qualify to Nationals more than I have wanted almost anything in my whole life. I want to look back on my life of gymnastics and be assured that it hadn’t been for nothing. So as I stand here before the floor, the judges, my teammates, and my family, I think back to how I had gotten to this point.
I think about how I do not even remember a time I wasn’t a gymnast. Being placed in a sport at the age of three does that to a person. I think about the every day practices that lasted for four hours. I think about the late nights, the early mornings, and the lack of sleep that went with them. I think about the falls, the broken bones, the pulled muscles, the bloody hands, the cut up toes, and the always-bruised shins.
I think about the failure to reach goals. I remember the anger I would feel when I tried my hardest but it still not being enough. I think about the pressure from unreasonable coaches. I remember the perfection that was to be strived for. The taste of tears from the pain in my body and heart were fresh on my lips.
Then I remember the teammates - the sisters - who felt what I felt. I think of the times I finally did my best. I think of dismounts that were stuck and how perfect it felt not to move my feet from that spot. I picture how it felt to be in the spotlight, the audience captivated by my movements. Finally I think about the meet I am at right now and how I had done my best on all the events so far. I think about how happy that makes me.
Now the floor lies before me and I realize I am exactly where I want to be. I decide that I will be happy no matter what happens. I will give it my all and if that means not making it to Nationals, at least I will know that I gave everything I possibly could.
Adrenaline pulsing through my veins, I start my first tumbling pass. I pray to God I don’t fall flat on my face because then everything will be over before it has barely started. I flip twice through the air, and my feet meet the ground. I have never been happier to be on my feet. I am grinning ear-to-ear as I dance through my routine. My hardest pass is done, and not only done, but done well. I only have two more tumbling passes left, and I can only hope that my second one goes as well as my first. My adrenaline-filled legs carry me across the floor as I spin and twist in the air. Once again, my feet hit the ground and I cannot be more elated. My emotions transfer to my choreography and I dance like I have never danced before. My chin is up, my face is shining, my movements are sharp, and I look like I want this. I am in the spotlight only for a few moments, but people are watching me. As I get ready for my last pass, I can’t help but feel excited and anxious at the same time. I can either finish this routine on a great note, or I can be disappointed. I ignore the latter possibility, take a deep breath, and put all my remaining energy into my final tumbling pass.
My pass probably takes only 10 seconds to complete, but it feels more like 10 minutes. I anticipate the moment when my feet collide with the ground so I can finally breath. . . I’ve done it! My feet are on the ground and my body is upright. I turn around with the biggest smile on my face and complete my routine. I know I’ve done the best I could on floor and the whole meet. There is nothing else to wish for.
As I salute the judges and walk off the floor, there are so many emotions running through me. I feel ecstatic that I just did a great floor routine and ended an already phenomenal meet on such a high note. I am relieved that it is over. I am proud of myself for everything I have accomplished today and in my whole gymnastics career. I am grateful as I look up in the stands and see my family beaming back at me. It is also a very bitter-sweet moment. Regionals has been my best meet this season, but I realize it may also be my last since I do not know yet if I have qualified for Nationals. But on the whole, I know I’ve done my best, which is all I could have asked for.
Everything after that is a blur until my coach comes up to my teammates and me with the results. When she says I finished in 7th place, the last qualifying spot for Nationals, I just look at my mom and we both start crying, all the emotions of the day pouring out of us. Everything I have worked for has finally paid off. I had been good enough. I am one of the top 300 gymnasts in this country. It is an absolutely wonderful moment, and what makes it so wonderful is that this isn’t just something that has been handed to me but is something that I had wanted more than almost anything. I had worked for it. I had prayed for it. I had sweated for it. I know in my heart I deserve it; the best moment in my life. It’s my time to shine.
-87-
But what exactly defines this failure or this success? If I do well on this last event, I will be eligible to compete at the United States of America Gymnastics National Championship in Dallas, Texas. Only the best 300 gymnasts in the country make it to this meet. I want to be one of the best. I want to qualify to Nationals more than I have wanted almost anything in my whole life. I want to look back on my life of gymnastics and be assured that it hadn’t been for nothing. So as I stand here before the floor, the judges, my teammates, and my family, I think back to how I had gotten to this point.
I think about how I do not even remember a time I wasn’t a gymnast. Being placed in a sport at the age of three does that to a person. I think about the every day practices that lasted for four hours. I think about the late nights, the early mornings, and the lack of sleep that went with them. I think about the falls, the broken bones, the pulled muscles, the bloody hands, the cut up toes, and the always-bruised shins.
I think about the failure to reach goals. I remember the anger I would feel when I tried my hardest but it still not being enough. I think about the pressure from unreasonable coaches. I remember the perfection that was to be strived for. The taste of tears from the pain in my body and heart were fresh on my lips.
Then I remember the teammates - the sisters - who felt what I felt. I think of the times I finally did my best. I think of dismounts that were stuck and how perfect it felt not to move my feet from that spot. I picture how it felt to be in the spotlight, the audience captivated by my movements. Finally I think about the meet I am at right now and how I had done my best on all the events so far. I think about how happy that makes me.
Now the floor lies before me and I realize I am exactly where I want to be. I decide that I will be happy no matter what happens. I will give it my all and if that means not making it to Nationals, at least I will know that I gave everything I possibly could.
Adrenaline pulsing through my veins, I start my first tumbling pass. I pray to God I don’t fall flat on my face because then everything will be over before it has barely started. I flip twice through the air, and my feet meet the ground. I have never been happier to be on my feet. I am grinning ear-to-ear as I dance through my routine. My hardest pass is done, and not only done, but done well. I only have two more tumbling passes left, and I can only hope that my second one goes as well as my first. My adrenaline-filled legs carry me across the floor as I spin and twist in the air. Once again, my feet hit the ground and I cannot be more elated. My emotions transfer to my choreography and I dance like I have never danced before. My chin is up, my face is shining, my movements are sharp, and I look like I want this. I am in the spotlight only for a few moments, but people are watching me. As I get ready for my last pass, I can’t help but feel excited and anxious at the same time. I can either finish this routine on a great note, or I can be disappointed. I ignore the latter possibility, take a deep breath, and put all my remaining energy into my final tumbling pass.
My pass probably takes only 10 seconds to complete, but it feels more like 10 minutes. I anticipate the moment when my feet collide with the ground so I can finally breath. . . I’ve done it! My feet are on the ground and my body is upright. I turn around with the biggest smile on my face and complete my routine. I know I’ve done the best I could on floor and the whole meet. There is nothing else to wish for.
As I salute the judges and walk off the floor, there are so many emotions running through me. I feel ecstatic that I just did a great floor routine and ended an already phenomenal meet on such a high note. I am relieved that it is over. I am proud of myself for everything I have accomplished today and in my whole gymnastics career. I am grateful as I look up in the stands and see my family beaming back at me. It is also a very bitter-sweet moment. Regionals has been my best meet this season, but I realize it may also be my last since I do not know yet if I have qualified for Nationals. But on the whole, I know I’ve done my best, which is all I could have asked for.
Everything after that is a blur until my coach comes up to my teammates and me with the results. When she says I finished in 7th place, the last qualifying spot for Nationals, I just look at my mom and we both start crying, all the emotions of the day pouring out of us. Everything I have worked for has finally paid off. I had been good enough. I am one of the top 300 gymnasts in this country. It is an absolutely wonderful moment, and what makes it so wonderful is that this isn’t just something that has been handed to me but is something that I had wanted more than almost anything. I had worked for it. I had prayed for it. I had sweated for it. I know in my heart I deserve it; the best moment in my life. It’s my time to shine.
-87-
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Breakeven
what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces.
I'm falling to pieces, I'm falling to pieces.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
F YOU ERIC WHY DID WE GO TOWARD THE TEAR GAS!!!???
.......I'll get to that in a second.
First, I'm going to start off by saying United Blood was ridiculous. Sooo many people were there and moshing and it was crazy! But it was fun :D Definitely makes me think the warehouse is nothing now. I like watching kids go crazy hehehehe.
Today was really fun especially. I got lunch with Kat at Panera which was awesome. I love getting to hang out with my best frandd.
Then Eric and I headed over to Day 2 of UB. It was like I said, crizazy. We chilled mostly with Ricardo there which was really fun, I love Ricardo. We eventually got Bottom's Up which was very yummy, then headed over to Broad Street to see what was happening with the crowd... rioting is what was happening. There were sooooo many people, just going crazy, lighting things on fire, cheering, yelling, it was really a cool experience. After a few minutes though we thought there was tear gas so we ran away, when some of Eric's friends met up with us and told us we "had to go back" because there was a helicopter hovering around where we just were... aka something crazy was happening. Soooo we turned back around, just to run into tear gas. Let me just tell you, it is obviously a very unpleasant experience. It....like it's name states... makes your eyes sting like crap and ya start crying, but mostly it hurt our throats, I thought I was gonna barf. It stopped after like 5 minutes though so it was ok. But ahhhh it was just crazy! It was awesome to see so many people show school spirit :D
Friday, April 1, 2011
Home again
Soooo this is what the next few days will look like:
-get ready to go home tomorrow,
-get picked up in charlottesville because my roomie is so nice not to make eric's mom drive the whole 2 hours,
-United Blood til like 12
-Waffle House run hopefully :D
-lunch with kat and liz
-United Blood til like.... 12 again....
So basically my weekend will be filled with huge guys going crazy, seeing a bunch of my/Eric's friends, and seeing all of downtown Richmond go crazy over the VCU game.
Sounds like a pretty good weekend to me :D
-get ready to go home tomorrow,
-get picked up in charlottesville because my roomie is so nice not to make eric's mom drive the whole 2 hours,
-United Blood til like 12
-Waffle House run hopefully :D
-lunch with kat and liz
-United Blood til like.... 12 again....
So basically my weekend will be filled with huge guys going crazy, seeing a bunch of my/Eric's friends, and seeing all of downtown Richmond go crazy over the VCU game.
Sounds like a pretty good weekend to me :D
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