Wednesday, September 15, 2010

lookin out my window

I want to go back and change things. I want to go really far away from anywhere familiar. I wish I could breath underwater. I like being up high. I care too much about everything and everyone and how I look and how much I'm loved. I love attention. YES I take pictures because I am a little conceited. I am. I just am. I fascinate myself. I wish people loved me as much as I loved them. I'm too lazy to think things through so I usually don't. I cry a lot. I cry about gymnastics, I cry about school, I cry about people, I cry about things that haven't even happened. I wish I was a movie star. I jump to conclusions and I think about things too far in advance. I think about the future too much. I think about marriage I think about babies I think about jobs I think about growing old. I like fighting with people. Drama is exciting as long as it's not serious. I am so scared of the dark. I'm more scared of my brothers dying. Failure scares me. I don't like failing. I want to go horseback riding. I wish I was invisible sometimes so I could take pictures of people without them thinking I'm a weirdo. I wish I had better faith. I wish I wanted to try to be a better person. I like hogging the conversation. When I see stars.... and I mean when I really see stars without lights around me... I just want to be in them. I don't know how but I just want everything to be stars. I just want to be extremely happy wherever I am.

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